The dynamics of financial contributions within a couple often carry significant social and psychological implications. While this issue is not new, recent studies have highlighted the challenges faced by men who are not the primary breadwinners in their households, as reported by the BBC. “It hurts your pride a little that your wife earns all the money,” admits Dave, a stay-at-home father who participated in a study on the mental well-being of men in such situations. Similarly, Tom, another participant, notes: “You tell people you stay at home, and they think you’re less masculine.”
This societal pressure to be the family’s financial backbone persists despite evolving gender roles. Some participants in the research, like Brendom, reported receiving inappropriate comments from family members, being labeled “the house pet.” Although an increasing number of women outearn their partners, traditional power dynamics and misogynistic attitudes evolve more slowly.
This clash can be “devastating” and challenge one’s perception of masculinity, says Harry Bunton, a former consultant turned Australian influencer, after losing his job. A Swedish study spanning decades found an 11% increase in mental health diagnoses among men after their wives began earning more. Demid Getik, lead author and associate professor of Economics at Durham University, explained: “Though it’s no longer explicitly stated that men should earn more, these expectations remain prevalent.”
This stigma affects many unemployed men: “It’s understandable that there’s a high rate of depression and worse cases among this group,” Bunton noted. Research suggests this insecurity may even lead some husbands to be more prone to infidelity, attempting to reaffirm their masculinity. A 2023 Pew Research Center report highlights that women who earn more still shoulder a disproportionate share of domestic and childcare responsibilities, while men who stop working often fail to compensate for this imbalance.
Although younger generations may shift this perspective, data suggests a more complex reality. A global Ipsos survey for King’s College London showed that 28% of Gen Z men consider a stay-at-home father “less of a man,” compared to 19% of women in the same generation. Heejung Chung, a professor at the university, links this perception to changing educational achievements: “Younger individuals may not experience the broader inequality many women still face, leading to the belief that some men are ‘falling behind.'”
Rosie Campbell, another professor at King’s College, highlights a growing divide in perceptions of masculinity. “We need to reflect more on how we communicate what it means to be a man today and what role models exist,” she emphasizes. The lack of positive role models and the rise of misogynistic rhetoric on social media complicate the transition to a more equitable masculinity.
Recent research explores “caring masculinities,” redefining male identity around empathy, time spent with children, and emotional skills rather than solely as financial providers. “It’s not just about doing fun, rewarding things. It’s about engaging in the complex aspects of caregiving,” says Karla Elliott, a gender researcher at Monash University in Australia. Her work suggests that taking on caregiving responsibilities fosters protective behavior and strengthens family bonds.
Elliott advocates for structural changes, such as increasing paternity leave reserved exclusively for men. These policies not only redistribute family tasks but also challenge traditional gender ideals. “If men feel their self-esteem is affected by their partner’s income, it’s an opportunity to reflect on why they feel this way and potentially question entrenched gender roles,” she explains.
Understanding this stigma requires recognizing how closely well-being is tied to income. However, women supporting their families are often seen as “powerful” or career-focused, though in many cases, their role results from their partner’s job loss. This situation often creates economic stress, as studies indicate households where only the woman works tend to have lower average salaries due to the gender pay gap. Helen Kowalewska, an associate professor at the University of Bath, and her team argue that “most countries do not do enough to offset the wage penalty for women supporting their families.”
— new from Infobae